That's What Butters is for
by Piggyspud
Summary: Just a oneshot about Butters listening to Eric complain about his relationship with Heidi. That's it


Butters was drawing appletrees on the floor when his mom walked in and told that he had a guest waiting. Butters smiled and jumped up. Oh boy, he always liked to have a friend over on weekends! His smile soon faded as he turned around and was faced with pissed Eric Cartman. His mom closed the door to let two boys be alone and immediately Eric started complaining.

"Butters, goddammit! Why didn't you answer the phone when I texted you like an hour ago?"

"Uh, I-I'm sorry, Eric! I just forgot to pick it up!"

"Uh huh, but I was hurt. Felt like you were ignoring me and my problems," the bigger boy stated and walked around the room.

This was becoming a routine for them. Eric would come over and tell about his problems and Butters' job was to keep quiet and listen and give enough comfort as possible. That's what friends do, they share their problems and listen to each other (expect Eric never wanted to hear Butters).

"Geez, sorry... What's troublin' you?"

"It's fucking Heidi!" Eric shouted and jumped on Butters' bed.

"What has she done to you now?"

"She abused me again!"

Butters knew well that 'the abuse' Eric was talking about was not true. Heidi was a sweet and nice girl. It was more likely Eric who was abusing his girlfriend (but he couldn't say that aloud). But Eric was upset now and he had to help his buddy out!

"Abused you like how?"

Eric pinched his nose and let out a frustrated noise. Butters came to sit beside him to listen better.

"She is taking away my own free time! Today, she forced me to go shopping with her! Guess how many hours I had to be at the mall and wait for her to pick up clothes for herself and force me to give my opinion about EVERYTHING!" Eric continued by mimicking Heidi's voice," _Is this skirt making me look fat? Eric, does this colour suit me? Would you hold this for me, Eric? Eric Eric Eric nay nay nayyy"_

"Oh, that sounds boring..."

"Yeah, it was torture! Can you believe her? Going shopping on Saturday and make me waste my day with her shit?!"

"Uhh, Eric... Many couples do that, I guess. If Heidi likes shopping, she probably wanted you to come with her to have more fun? My mom and dad go to the mall together even though dad doesn't always like to-"

"Butters. This is not about you and besides, you don't have a girlfriend. You don't know what it's like."

Butters shut his mouth. Yeah, he didn't have a girlfriend so he couldn't know any better, right? It was silly of him to give relationship advice. Although his mom had spoken something about making compromises to make every relationship work out. Perhaps compromises were not an answer since they were not working for Eric.

"Anyways, that bitch is making my life a hell. She forces me to spend time with her even when I'm clearly not interested. She is just too possessive over me and she doesn't get it," Eric spoke.

"Then break up with her," Butters answered casually.

Eric glared at his 'friend' and gave a disappointed sigh as if Butters had failed to answer correctly. Butters only blinked a few times since he did not understand the issue here. If Eric was unhappy, wasn't breaking up a way out? Oh yeah, he forgot to keep his mouth closed and not give any advice to Eric.

"Butters... It's not that simple. Of course, you don't understand my relationship problems 'cause you're single and probably stay like that for the rest of your life..."

"Huh?"

"Forget it," Eric got off the bed," I'm leavin'. You're no help."

"Wait! I'm sorry for not understanding your relationship but I really wanna help my buddy out! I'm here to listen!" Butters protested.

"Fine, fine...," Eric rolled his eyes and got back on the bed.

* * *

After several minutes of Eric speaking crap about Heidi, Butters was getting tired. This 'conversation' was making him bored. The clock was half-past seven yet Eric was still rambling on. Butters was struggling to not yawn but gave up at some point. That didn't get past Eric's ears.

"Butters, are listening to me?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

"No, you're not," the bigger boy glared and shook his head in disbelief.

"Sorry, Eric, but I still think the best thing to do is to break up with Heidi. She is making you miserable and I bet she is miserable too."

"You don't know Heidi. She is too sensitive! She cannot live without me and that's a fact. She tells me so nearly every day and it makes me feel...bad for her. The poor girl is so in love with me..."

Now it was Butters' turn to roll his eyes. Even he couldn't believe everything Eric told him. Heidi did care for her boyfriend but not that much. He still couldn't catch the reason to keep Heidi around though. Eric sounded like he did hate her and wanted nothing to do with her. Yet he refused to break up with Heidi and for what? To be the most talked about couple at the school?

"Hey, Eric... What do you get out of this relationship if not love?"

"Huh? W-what do I get out of it?"

"Yeah, there must be a reason why you keep Heidi around, right?"

Eric went silent and looked for right words. Butters waited for his friend to give, hopefully, an honest answer this time. Eric looked back at Butters and lowered his voice.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone... If you do, it might cause Heidi's suicide."

"Oh, cheese!"

"Shh!... Heidi couldn't face the truth. The reason why I keep up with this relationship is that I...," Eric gazed down," secretly enjoy it."

"But you just told me how much you hated Heidi-!

"I know!" Eric cut Butters off," I fucking know that, Butters... Let me explain: Heidi is easy to control. I like that about her. She does everything I tell her to do, like an own personal slave. I always wanted to have a slave, Butters... But things don't always go as planned and she puts on a fight sometimes. My goal is to make her see that I'm the boss and her job is to keep me happy, like a living and walking Alexa."

Butters was speechless. The truth behind Eric's and Heidi's relationship was shocking to hear. It was actually making Eric more terrifying (if that was even possible). Butters wasn't sure what to say to his friend. Should he be supportive or run away and tell guys about Eric's plans? That is not what friends do to each other. He had to be supportive! It wouldn't be nice of him break Eric's trust by gossiping (even though Eric had broken his trust many times before).

"Oh, um... T-that is completely... alright, Eric. If you're into that kinda relationship, then there's nothing stoppin' ya! I wouldn't mind if my partner wanted to be the dominant one... It might be natural!"

"What do you mean by that?" Eric raised his eyebrow.

"Uhh, I don't know. I just heard this 'top and bottom' thing somewhere and checked it out and feel like I am the bottom. You must be the top then" Butters answered with an innocent smile.

Next thing was a slap on his cheek. Butters let out a pained and confused cry.

"You fucking idiot! Don't bring your gay shit into this! I know you're a faggot but you don't have to rub it off my face with every chance you get 'cause I'm not gay like you!" Eric pointed out.

"B-but-"

Eric groaned and hopped off the bed to leave. Butters got off as well and held his now red cheek. What he had said wrong again?

"Only tiny part of me is flattered that you're attracted to me, Butters. The rest of me is ready to beat your ass if you dare to try anything on me, got it? So no gay stuff involved. Keep our friendship no homo and we're cool, okay?"

Butters didn't understand anything Eric said but nodded anyway.

"Good. And do not speak with guys about what I told about Heidi either. I don't want that Jew to get on my way and try to ruin this."

Butters nodded again.

"I promise I won't tell, Eric."

Eric gave a small smirk and patted Butters on his shoulder.

"You're a good side bitch, Butters."

"Gee, thanks!"

With that, Eric left his room without goodbyes. Butters rubbed his sore cheek and smiled to himself. By the way, what does side bitch mean? He could google it later and tell about it to the guys on Monday.


End file.
